Sunday, October 01, 2006

Past Perfect

Eight Years Ago Today: A Conversation

"I don’t think I want to be married anymore."

"The thing is, you are married. Wanting has nothing to do with it."

"But when I see movies like The English Patient, I know that that’s the kind of love I want, the kind that is so intense and passionate that you would be willing to die for it. And I can’t have that as long as I’m with you."

"There’s a difference between movies and real life. I just don’t understand you. There are two paths in front of you, one marked ‘Right’ and the other marked ‘Wrong.’ There’s no ambiguity here: you’re married, you figure out how to make it work."


[sharp intake of breath]

"The thing is, I’m not the person you think I am. I cheated on you."

It was a crisp, yellow-leaved, sunny October day. It was the end of one life and the beginning of a much better one.


A Perfect Post

I always enjoy it when the first of the month falls on a weekend. Today is a slow blogging day, with lots of time open to curl up with some hot applesauce and a brand new raft of Perfect Posts to enjoy. And I really think you’ll want to read my pick first, because it’s funny and clever, and it features a very smart little boy who is serious about his art.

Having said that, I’ll admit that this was actually my fall-back choice for this month’s award. My first choice was Finding Coral, a post that came out just a couple of days too soon to be considered for this month’s awards. Fortunately, everything Jaelithe writes is original, and well-considered, and award-worthy, so I had no difficulty selecting a companion piece to receive the official award. And the two posts, taken together, demonstrate the emotional range that makes The State of Discontent so very much worth visiting.


I am so honoured to acknowledge Lady M's nomination of my post "Hep" for a September Perfect Post award. I wrote that post just for myself, to preserve the things I'll want to remember twenty years from now when my nest is empty and I'm sitting down to read the things I wrote a long, long time ago. So it is both gratifying and instructive to realize that other people have found it meaningful as well. To read more Perfect Posts go visit the ladies who started this lovely tradition, Lucinda at Suburban Turmoil and Momma K at Petroville.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you new life is so much better than you old one... but experiencing that betrayal must have been incredibly painful.

I'll definitely check out State of Discontent (I love discovering "new-to-me" blogs).

Beck said...

Beautiful blog choice - I hadn't seen The State of Discontentment before, but her writing is great.

And ouch. Some memories are so razor-edged, even years later, even so much happier.

Kristen said...

Just another reminder of how today's pain undoubtedly leads to tomorrow's this case, Bub and Pie. Sniff.

bubandpie said...

Beck - I think my feelings today are much the same as they were then - a kind of detached numbness, as if it's all a movie I'm watching from the outside (not something that could possibly happen to me) and I'm thinking, "This movie sucks. The plot is totally improbable and the dialogue is incredibly poorly written."

Christina said...

What is it about October? Yesterday my husband's best friend was depressed, and we found out it was the one year anniversary of his wife (now ex-wife) telling him that she wanted out of the marriage because she wasn't ready to settle down with just one person.

I can't imagine having to go through what you went through, but at least good things came from it.

sunshine scribe said...

Good choice. Congrats on your perfect post too!

And especially on taking that October day with that wretched conversation ... and turning it into a beautiful new life.

cinnamon gurl said...

I really think there's something about autumn that begs reflection. Or something about October that makes for difficult and transitional times that we remember for years to come.

Congratulations on your perfect post. I wholeheartedly agree with the nomination.

nomotherearth said...

Congratulations on your Perfect Post! I'm going to have to take the time to read the others. I loved "Finding Coral", by the way.

As to the conversation, that hurt just to read it so I can't imagine what it was like actually having that talk. I'm glad you've found happiness now. Is it totally lame to (verrrry belatedly) offer the Serenity Prayer as solace? I'm not super religious or anything (my dad is a Minister, though), and I've always found comfort in those words. Anyways, I'm not much help and I never know what to say, but the empathy and support are sincere.

DaniGirl said...

Ya know, you and I are really going to have to sit down and compare notes one day. It was late September thirteen years ago that my life split open, and infidelity was the flashlight that shone a beam on some things I had been willfully not seeing.

I'm so happy it's better now. Me, too!

T. said...

Beauty is often born out of pain.

I'm learning that.

I'm glad you found life beyond the hurt.

And thanks for the links.

bubandpie said...

Danigirl - "infidelity was the flashlight that shone a beam on some things I had been willfully not seeing" - Exactly - that is so exactly it. I realized very early on that it was all for the best, but it still took a lot of work to rethink my past and future, revising both to include all the things I'd refused to see before.

Robbin said...

Wow. I just saw this post - after I had written mine for the day. It's this strange synchronicity that I often see blogs on the same subject, within the same time frame, without one being the product of another. It just seems there is some cosmic timing to the way people's thoughts turn...

ali said...

wow. my heart is aching for you just reading that.
but, look at the life you were able to create for yourself after having that conversation!!!!

thanks for sharing that. i'm sure it wasn't easy.

Suzanne said...

What a painful conversation -- I just can't imagine hearing those words. I'm so glad that your new life is better, and I hope that those past wounds have healed.

Kyla said...

I can't imagine having that comversation...I think I would have left my body. I'm glad it was for the best...but it hurt all the same, I'm sure.

penelopeto said...

congratulations on the perfect post - loved that one. Well deserved.

metro mama said...

Congrats on the perfect post!

bubandpie said...

Kyla - "I think I would have left my body." Yep. That is exactly what I did.