Friday, April 27, 2007

Am I The Only One?

  • …who feels uncomfortably sorry for the ants who are gobbling down Ant-B-Gone in my kitchen cupboards, carrying home a bellyful of poison for the benefit of their entire colony? (It doesn’t help when hubby puts down the poison saying, "Here’s a little treat! Mmmmm…lucky!")

  • …who initiates sex by glaring in hubby’s general direction and grumbling, "You sure aren’t interested much lately." (Why seduce when you can complain?)

  • …who develops a new and confusing disciplinary regime at playgroup, because the usual "Let’s play tag when Bub steals your toys!" tactic may not fly with the other parents? (Loss of consistency and fairness is a small price to pay for the appearance of consistency and fairness.)

  • ...who finds that yesterday's breakthrough parenting advice ("Never do for your children what they can do for themselves") has somehow become today's source of inadequacy and rage? (Just because Bub can put his shoes and coat on doesn't mean that he will, especially when he would much rather stay and continue throwing Magnetix and screaming.)

  • …who almost cries when the playgroup coordinator approaches to say, "You’re so patient with him!" as I drag Bub away, having retrieved the book and shoes that he has thrown at other children because I had the audacity to tell him it was time to leave? (What looks like patience from the outside feels like passive ineffectiveness from the inside.)

  • …who finds that when my children spill their snacks all over aisle 7 at the grocery store, it’s invariably in front of a former student (now a charity fundraiser often featured in the local newspaper) and her beautifully dressed and perfectly well-behaved toddler?

  • …who feels unreasonably pleased when my son asks, in a warmly supportive tone, "Are you frustrated, Mama?" (Unreasonably because what he almost certainly meant by that was "I’m frustrated, Mama!" – but I’ll take my sympathy where I can get it.)

  • …who writes random list-based posts when suffering from blogger’s block and exhausted from a rare Friday morning with the kids?

29 comments:

Gabriella said...

with you all the way!

nomotherearth said...

Very familiar, all of them, but especially the second and the fourth.

Magpie said...

yes, yes and yes. re: #2, i've taken to asking "would you like to reconvene the procedure?"

Blog Antagonist said...

Nope, you are most certainly not the only one. Except on the sex thing. We too have wildly disparate libidos here as well, but in our case, Husband is the one getting shafted.

metro mama said...

I'm with you on the playgroup thing. Tho, it's gotten better since we've been away. I don't know if I feel good or bad about that.

cinnamon gurl said...

No most certainly not alone.

I'll take #2, and a version of #4 and 5, thanks.

Hugs!

Karen said...

oh, I'm there/ here:
Just posted something list based like half and hour ago. also playgroup and patience: I'm crying on the inside.
Fridays: I hate Fridays, my kids are moody at best and borderline psychotic on bad weather Fridays.

kgirl said...

no, you're not. take comfort.

and that former student? they were having a good day. she's been there, and she's lying if she says that she hasn't.

NotSoSage said...

Oh, oh, oh! We are going to have to deal with a version of #1 very soon. We have rodents...and they've chewed through our wiring so that we no longer have power in two rooms on our second floor.

Joe was patient with my bleeding heart animal rights stuff 'til that happened, and now there's going to be poison and I'm so so sad (but better that than a house fire, I suppose).

And all the others...you know we're all there with you.

Lisa b said...

Nope you are not alone.
As for #2 why risk your ego when you can taunt them with a line like that? What man would not take the bait.
Anyone who looks all perfect in the grocery store probably doesn't get out much.

Christina said...

Oh yeah. As for the ants, I just cleared up my massive ant invasion here. It was tough to do it without poisoning cats or child, but I found a natural method that worked very well. (After trying 100 other methods.)

Oh, The Joys said...

You are not alone. Not even close.

Lawyer Mama said...

Yep, yep, yep, yep. Except for the sex thing. I just get naked and he usually figures it out.

karrie said...

My son does not handle transitions well--particularly leaving nursery school or any other social group--so I hear you there. In addition to throwing things he has yelled "Go away Mommy! I not go home with you! I hate you! I stay at school!"

Remind me why I wanted him to talk.

Mimi said...

Sounds like a crappy day. Fridays always seem to leave Pynchon exasperated and tetchy ... like today for example. When I run into former students they all look so young and fashionable and well-rested. It's completely demoralizing in any case, though I imagine worse then their little cherubs are behaving like the angels. Gah.

Lists are very organized. You clearly have it all together. Right?

:-)

jen said...

nope, not the only one, at all.

PeanutButtersMum said...

hahaha! i like the one about the feigned (?)patience... my gp once commented on my relative calm and patience with my little PB while, on the inside, i was boiling over with frustration and self-hatred because i felt frustrated.

hmm... i don't think that made any sense.... ;-)

slouching mom said...

I hate, hate, hate when people tell me I'm patient with my kids. Like you, I believe it to be code for, "Your kids are walking all over you; why won't you DO something about it?"

With you on most all of these.

flutter said...

Does any of it count if I feel that way about my fiance?

Suz said...

I have to admit to being another woman who just can't join my husband in glorying over bunches of doomed ants.

mcewen said...

That's precisely why mummies blog, so that other mummies can share.
Best wishes

Kyla said...

Even when you have blogger's block, you are still an entertaining genius. You definitely aren't the only one. I am especially guilty of #2. *lol* Our lucky husbands!

Kelly said...

absolutely not the only one...

not by a long stretch.

c4cara said...

Not Alone...
#1 - as with Sage, we have mice and rats occaisionally, and I don't like poisoning them, or trapping them, and go to enormous lengths to usher them out gently. It never works of course, but I have to try.
#2 - This is scary, because I did this last week! Perhaps I should be more direct and just club him and drag him off?
All the others, yesy yesy yesy. It's hard not to resent those who look more together than us. But we are all a bit nuts in out own homes. I'm sure of it.

Jenifer said...

Not alone. If this is a block, I'll take it.

Needed this tonight! You nailed it.

luckyzmom said...

You will feel better about all this tomorrow!

luckyzmom said...

PS-you are so not the only one doing the sex thing.

Luisa Perkins said...

One of the things I love about blogging is the realization nearly every day that I am not alone.

I very much identify with your 'appearance of patience' and 'weak ineffectiveness' equation. Except for me, truthfully, it is sometimes more like 'appearance of patience = passive aggressiveness/repressed anger.'

bren j. said...

"Why seduce when you can complain."
Loved. That.