Saturday, April 07, 2007

Surreal Life


The Scene: It is lunchtime, and Bub and Pie are seated at the kitchen table – Bub in his booster seat and Pie beside him in "Daddy’s chair" – demanding macaroni and cheese.

Pie and Bub : (in unison) Mac-a-RO-ni! Mac-a-RO-ni!
Hubby: It will be ready in a minute – we have to make it hot. Pie, no pulling on your brother’s sock.
Pie: Pull! Pull!
(The sock comes off Bub’s foot. Pie goes flying off the side of the chair, landing on her head.)
Pie: (screams)
Bub: (alarmed) My sock is off! My sock is off!
Hubby: (scrambling to get a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer while simultaneously comforting the little girl) Bub, your sock is not the main issue right now.
Pie: (screams)

(I come running up the stairs from my basement office, where I am supposed to be marking essays. Pie reaches out her arms towards me and collapses against my chest, her body heaving now and then with quiet, shuddering sobs. I hold her against my tear-soaked sweater, stroking her hot, panicky forehead. Finally, she relaxes, breathing deeply, and I wonder if I should feel guilty for enjoying this moment so much.)

Bub: (exasperated) I’m getting too frustrated! Where’s sock go?
(Pause. He tentatively bites a piece of broccoli.) Mmm. Grocery!

End scene.

32 comments:

Karen said...

dinner? sock? peas? injuries? cuddles? - great post about priorities and swinging at whatever pitch comes your way...

slouching mom said...

Hilarious. Not unlike scenes in our house on some days.

"Bub, your sock is not the issue right now."

Love this; it's something my husband would say.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh my...I had a flashback reading that. I think that's why I stopped at two...I can only juggle two crises at a time. Three simultaneous crises would completely do me in.

cinnamon gurl said...

I love this post! But then I always did have a soft spot for the surrealists.

(Where's the random theory to tie it all together that you're so good at?)

Lisa b said...

Great story. The poor Pie but at least you got some greens into her brother.
Thanks for a glimpse of what is coming my way.

flutter said...

mmmmm groceries!

Kyla said...

That sounds very familiar...except nobody here will eat broccoli. *lol*

Mimi said...

It's because you're grading. The pile of grading sucks everything good into its path ... (shudder).

Miss Baby seems for the moment to like broccoli. We're pretending a) that it will last and b) that there's nothing unusual in her zeal of green things.

Beck said...

It's like that at my house, with the exception that one of my children would have ripped the other's sock off and then the sockless one shoved the other one, who melodramatically then fell onto the floor.
Parenthood - it's fun!

Pieces said...

Okay, this may seem like a wacky comment. There is a new show on TV starting Monday called Thank God You're Here. The first episode can be watched online and the Loved and I watched it. The last scene made me laugh until I cried and there is a character that can't hear so he shouts out random words. At one point he shouts "Thursday!" for no reason. Now it keeps cropping up in our conversations. It still makes us laugh.

That's what "Grocery!" makes me think of.

NotSoSage said...

Awesome.

I love the every day moments, no matter how surreal.

Kerry said...

sounds like life around here, lol

Mad Hatter said...

Head wound vs naked foot. Sounds like a pretty even match to me.

Whenever Miss M is feeling cantankerous these days, she pouts "sore tooth medicine" genuinely believing that cherry flavoured infant tylenol is a wonder drug. She's only ever had it about a dozen times in the last 2 years and yet she believes firmly in its healing powers. No all I need to do is convince of the power of grocery.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh gosh, that sounds so familiar. Going from one world to the next was never something I did well before becoming a parent!

"Mmm. Grocery!" Love that!

Jenifer said...

Surreal, uh yeah. My girlfriend came over Thursday for dinner with her two tykes who are 2 and 4, along with my 3 and 6 you can imagine the fun for the Mommies...

While trying to get dinner on the table we encountered the following, pee on top of the toilet seat as one tyke claims he could not figure out how to lift up our lids, another child concerned we were going to have bamboo for dinner (thanks Wonderpets - it was asparagus), another was crying for being made to go pee against her will (while jumping and dancing around obviously needing to go) and finally the other pooping just as dinner is finally ready. Did I mention that the smoke alarm also went off during this time...

More surreal. Dear friend is expecting number three. I am not sure I can handle it.

V-Grrrl said...

I want to know if the sock landed in the mac n cheese....and if Bub ate it.

rivergirlie said...

ceci n'est pas une pipe. you could stage this, exactly as written - a box office hit, i'm certain

MOM-NOS said...

Ooo, I love me the Bub: But, but, but - but MY SOCK IS OFF!

Completely unrelated - or maybe not - but have you seen this?

Aliki2006 said...

Life with kids--rarely a real moment, but plenty of surreal ones.

Thanks, too, for the ROFL award! I hope you don't find yourself too drowned with lame end-of-semester excuses...

Lady M said...

Last summer, I came home from a lecture on dada, and all through the following afternoon with the young Q, I was thinking that the randomness of the experience was definitely an exercise in dada-ist art.

bubandpie said...

Lady M - That's my theory too. J.M. Barrie claimed that the geography of Neverland is the landscape of a child's mind, and the same might be said for surrealism - it's simply a representation for adults of the way children think (only with more barenaked ladies).

nomotherearth said...

Life with two kids may be surreal, but at least it's never boring, right? You sound so calm in the hullabaloo. I admire your steady hand. I think I would only add more crazy to the mix.

wordgirl said...

That scene sounds a lot like that nonsensical joke about the penguins on the iceberg where one shouts "radio!" and they all jump into the water. Mmmm...grocery cracks me up.

PunditMom said...

Life is good!

Kelly said...

Parenthood offers the most multi-tasking opportunities I can think of. Your dinner scene seems to support this.

(As do dinner scenes across the world, no doubt.)

bren j. said...

See!? SEE!?! It's stories like THAT that make me look forward to this adventure.
I love it!
P.S. Not sure if we're posting this on the blog or not...but we had another ultrasound on Weds. SHE is looking quite grand and was staring right at us...even though it looked like she was wearing glasses.

bubandpie said...

Bren!!! (Jaw. Dropping.) That is so exciting. I'm really very much in favour of girls.

kgirl said...

Somehow I'm sure this is all dad's fault ;)

kittenpie said...

Yeah, I was just saying to my sister the other night (as she conversed seriously with Pumpkinpie about a rabbit named Sock) that you have to sometimes just embrace the absurdity when it comes to toddlers...

Omaha Mama said...

Grocery! That makes me giggle. Multi-tasking 101 - should be a required prerequisite course for parenting. (My hubby could've used it - since he seems to leave that talent at school in his desk drawer when he leaves)

Alpha DogMa said...

"I’m getting too frustrated! Where’s sock go? Mmm. Grocery!"
That is just so funny. Really.

ewe are here said...

Missing sock crisis vs head injury.

I love kids. :-)