Saturday, October 06, 2007

They're Snoggably Delicious

Veronica Mitchell comes up with the best memes. She was the mastermind by the best TV-characters meme that circulated so entertainingly last fall, and now she’s come up with

Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This.
The problem is, she can’t justify it to her husband unless she’s tagged, so we get to do it first. Anything for a friend, that’s what I always say. (Also, I seem to have entirely lost the ability to write blog posts that contain actual paragraphs. Ideas for list-based posts, on the other hand, keep cropping up like mushrooms.) In an effort to manifest some semblance of creativity, I think I’ll break my list up into categories:

Best Character to Make Out With in the Room of Requirement
Sirius Black (young version). The old version would be too old for me. Actually, the old version is probably in his late thirties, but from the fifteen-year-old mental perspective I assume when I read the Harry Potter books, I have a serious crush on the teenage Sirius: “Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking; his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance.” He’s all Jordan Catalano-style teenage rebellion with his dark-wizard background and his easy arrogance – a bad boy and a good boy all rolled into one.

Best Character to Make Out With After Accepting a Hasty and Ill-Considered Marriage Proposal
Mr. Darcy. Need I say more? “In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (And yes. I just typed that from memory.)


Best Character to Make Out With Before He Goes Off to War
Kenneth Ford. When I came back to Rilla of Ingleside as an adult, I was shocked to discover how wholly undeveloped Ken Ford’s character is. I had vivid memories of swooning over him as a romantic fourteen-year-old, but the basis of my attraction was almost entirely the following description (which, I now realize, is embarrassingly similar to the description of Sirius):
Kenneth was a tall lad, very good-looking, with a certain careless grace of bearing that somehow made all the other boys seems stiff and awkward by contrast. He was reported to be awesomely clever, with the glamour of a faraway city and a big university hanging around him. He had also the reputation of being a bit of a lady-killer. But that probably accrued to him from his possession of a laughing, velvety voice which no girl could hear without a heartbeat, and a dangerous way of listening as if she were saying something that he had longed all his life to hear.
Ah, those dangerous listeners. I realize now that fourteen-year-olds don’t want complex, realistic male characters – they want a more or less blank slate onto which they can project their own fantasies of desirable maleness.

Best Character to Make Out With if You’re a Rat
Justin from Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. I don’t actually remember much about this character, only that I had a bit of a crush on him in grade eight. He was a tall, strapping rat with a virtuous heart – the kind of rat who will gallantly protect you against cats, farmers, and evil scientists.

Best Older Man to Make Out With
Sherlock Holmes, as represented in Laurie R. King’s The Beekeeper’s Apprentice series.

Best Detective Besides Sherlock Holmes to Make Out With
Lord Peter Wimsey. Depths of feeling concealed under a cold (or, in this case, deliberately foppish) exterior. A detached and brilliant intellect. An English accent, money and a title. What can I say? I’m a sucker for all that.


Best Vampire to Make Out With
Dracula, as represented in Fred Saberhagen’s sympathetic retellings, The Dracula Tape and The Holmes-Dracula File (in this version, Vlad Tepes engages in bloodsucking only for enjoyment and by mutual consent, without necessarily transforming his partners into vampires – perfect for a casual bit of snogging).

Best Character to Make Out With On the Eve of the Battle of Agincourt
Henry V. God for England, Harry and Saint George!


Best Character to Make Out With in Middle Earth
Faramir. In the movie, of course, Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn get all the attention, but in the book Legolas always strikes me as a bit of a weenie, Boromir is a mean-spirited traitor (with none of the tragic depth leant to him by Sean Bean), and Aragorn is hung up on Arwen (who can compete with that?). Faramir, on the other hand, is honest, brave, and level-headed – and not so caught up in the male bonding-fest that is the Fellowship of the Ring that he can’t show a girl a good time.

Best Character to Make Out With if I Can’t Have Mr. Darcy
Captain Wentworth. Mostly just to make Louisa Musgrove mad.

I thought of Petruchio and Mr. Rochester, too – but they’re too demonstrative for me, too nakedly emotional. In the end, I think there’s only ever one thing that makes a man attractive to me: power. Not crude physical or political power, but a strength and intellect kept so tightly leashed that you just want to be there for the moment when his iron self-control begins to slip.

Here’s your tag, Veronica! (And you too, Beck – I can’t wait to read your list.)

46 comments:

dawn224 said...

Oh man, Kenneth Ford. You are right. I was always too busy skimming for mentions of Gibert Blythe.

WONDERWOMAN said...

Hmm, what is it about Mr. Darcy that's so scrumptious?!

painted maypole said...

Good gravy, that is some list. I am at a total loss myself. I would have to stare at my bookshelf for a while, and then damn myself for getting all my books from the library so they aren't present to job my memory! ;)

Sherri said...

I love that you put Ken Ford; Walter Blythe made my list.

And I completely forgot about Justin from NIMH-- he is one hot rat. Ah, well.

Blog Antagonist said...

I always thought Faramir was vastly underrated. Captain Wentworth is definitely snog worthy. And of course you know that I wouldn't kick Darcy out of my tester bed.

Terri B. said...

Love that vampire that Fred Saberhagen created. I don't know anyone, besides my husband, who has read these books.

And yes ... what you said about how we are attracted to boys when we are 14. It's all about the fantasy projection.

Nice choices!

flutter said...

I am so totally with you on Sirius.

Karen said...

Oh Gilbert Blythe! Oh Gilbert Blythe!

Veronica Mitchell said...

We share two: Holmes and Wimsey. I will get mine up soon.

This is a delightful list. I am getting a kick out of everyone's responses.

DaniGirl said...

Oh, Sirius Black *almost* made my list, but I had to go with Lupin in the end. And I also went a different way on the Vampire vote.

You have such a great way of turning a simple meme into a fully-realized adventure!

Mary Jo said...

I just got out of bed; your post was a wonderful way to start the morning. We share Darcy, Wentworth, and Whimsey. I have a redeem the tormented by my love side to my character. How else could I think of Ivan Karamazov ,Snape from HP, Spike from Buffy? Lawrence Olivier was a teenage favorite. Wesley Wynham Price from Angel is another. I definitely favor Englishmen, but then i married one.

Susanne said...

Ah, Lord Peter Wimsey. Intellect, humor, sensitivity, good taste in clothes, musical, rich...

Ahem. You can easily tell that I spent my entire teenage years reading Dorothy L. Sayers novels over and over again.

bubandpie said...

MJ - I have a redeem the tormented by my love side to my character. Oh my, yes. If Snape's hair weren't QUITE so greasy, he would've made the list, along with Paul Hodge from the Keeping Days books (though I think TrudyJ is the only one who actually gets those references). Spike and Wesley would TOTALLY have made my list if Veronica hadn't been smart enough to include "literary" in the meme title.

Mary Jo said...

Bub and Pie,

I realized including TV characters was cheating, but I hadn't had my morning coffee yet. Fortunately, I only want to redeem the tormented in my fantasies, not in my life. Both of my husbands have been feminist geeks with beards who cook and do laundry and are great with kids. I confess I read classy romance novels when I am depressed, and those heroes are good for a night or so. But most romance heroes are rakes who are redeemed by the heroine's wit and love.

Beck said...

I left Wentworth and Whimsey off my lists once I read yours: I've never liked competing with friends over men....
You're so very clever. I think I'd be more than a little intimidated by you in real life.

Kyla said...

I think I'd of ended up with Ron in the Room of Requirement. I think Sirius was too sure of himself, that's a no go for me.

Momish said...

I love your list, especially Sirius because I would have never thought of him, but you are so right!

D'Arcy would probably be on everyone's list, including mine for the obvious reasons.

To that I would add George Emerson from A Room With A View. I had daydreams about those soul kisses for many years in my youth.

Pieces said...

P&P quotations keep cropping up in my life. Just this week I included the line "we have no fixed engagements" in an email to my sister.

Momish said...

Oops, spelled Darcy wrong, old habit. Too many Irish friends!

bubandpie said...

Pieces - I've always found something strangely compelling about that line. I know I've thought it (if not actually said it aloud) on various occasions.

ewe are here said...

Great list. Truly great.

Christine said...

you know, i loved aragorn in the book, but faramir is so wonderful, huh?

and i really hated boromir in the books, too.

Jenifer said...

You are one smart cookie...I would love to spend some time with you hopefully it would rub off!

Marian said...

I had a cat named Gilbert at one point, which just might hint a character on my list. (We still had Gilbert and a "kid who's four" when Caillou first came out, strangely enough. I wondered where the show producers had gotten the name.)

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh, man! See this is why I like you so much....

Alpha DogMa said...

I'm doing this meme. It is so much fun, I can not even pretend to be coy and wait to be tagged. I'm more inclined to have Lupin - old or young, I don't mind - but my heart does truly belong to Snape.

Laurie R King's Sherlock is awesome. And yes, making Louisa Musgrove angry is a great goal! Good for you.

-AL

PS - I luv your Jordan Catalano reference

Miscellaneous-Mum said...

I've concocted my list this morning - in the end, it was kind of easy - that's because I did my own 'spin' on it. I'll be sure to acknowledge you and Veronica in my preface for the lovely idea ;)

I'll post it sometime this week...whenever I have time. There is no time.

p.s Sirius didn't make my list, but that's only because I KNOW my wanting him on there in the first place is because of Gary Oldman ;) ;)

bubandpie said...

AD & MM - I'm so glad you guys are doing it, because I've noticed that almost everybody has been forgetting to tag people (and even I didn't expand the tagging circle with my tags). It's because it's so exhausting, all that imaginary making out.

Jess said...

You are so right about Kenneth Ford. I read Rilla of Ingleside about a million times when I was younger, and I never noticed that Ken had absolutely no depth whatsoever. It was just assumed that he did because of who his parents were and because of what Rilla thought of him. And you're also totally right that the book is all the better for his lack of depth, so that every reader can turn him into her own personal fantasy. I need to go back and re-read those books now.

nikki said...

Have you ever read Outlander by Diana Gabaldon? I'll take Jamie any day.

Luisa Perkins said...

First of all, I covet your post title.

Second of all, now I have to come up with 10 OTHER people, since I'm later to the tag response than you. Or at least a few that are different.

Brilliant as always, Queen Bubandpie. Mine will be up later this week. P will be traveling; it's a perfect time to console myself with this topic.

b*babbler said...

I do love a good Rilla of Ingleside reference. It's so terribly easy to pull out Gilbert, but much less so for a Kenneth Ford reference. Go you!

(and I love that you can quote large portions of Pride and Prejudice, and also have Darcy Takes A Wife in your LibraryThing with nary a blush (grin)

ali said...

best. meme. ever.
:)

Ally Kat said...

I would actually make out with Snape in the room of requirement, there is just something so *YUM* osn't know why! And I would make out with eomyr from LOTR, Just 'cause he is the only one who doesn't go home with a girl.

Mardougrrl said...

Ooh, Ken Ford...I agree about the swooning. I loved when he saw the "nimbus" around Rilla's head when he visited her and "it was then that he loved her and knew it." Yes, I have read that once or 200 times.

And, yes, count me in as another "ardent" Mr. Darcy admirer. That would be SOME kiss...all that barely-repressed passion. Yum!

Julie said...

AAAAAAnd, suddenly every single book I've ever read goes WHOOSH out of my head and I can't think of a single character I'd like to make out with. Holy crap. How is that possible? I've read, like, a thousand books.

Casdok said...

Excellent choices!

Tina said...

Evidently I need to read more b/c I have no idea who any of those characters are EXCEPT for the one from Nimh.

Now TV characters....

Gwen said...

Well, I would snog Harry Potter, but that's just to help Ginny out, later. I'm all about the sisterhood, don't you know.

Alison said...

Great list! I love this meme. I've been thinking about my answers all day. So far you and I both like Sirius (older version's fine with me); Darcy; and Wimsey. Henry V would be fine too.

Now I have to populate the rest of my list.

Anonymous said...

mmm. yes, yes, and yes, please. yes to sirius. always to darcy. and yum to capt. wentworth.

i'd also have to include capt. von trapp. (maria did author a book that became the sound of music so he can count as literary!)

kelly bee

Magpie said...

Lord Peter!!!

I swooned through all of those books. I think I need to find them again.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Now that's a GREAT list. Nice choices :)

Tracy27 said...

Great meme, and great choices!

You just became my favorite person of the week, possibly the month, for including Justin from "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH". Justin was so gallant and smart and dreamy. You know, for a rat. Ahem.

Also, Faramir? Way hotter than Boromir. All of the talent with none of the arrogance. Very well-cast in the movie, too.

niobe said...

Which leaves me wondering how it is that I, though certainly neither chaste as ice, nor pure as snow, have only ever wanted desparately, hopelessly, achingly to talk to them?

And it's certainly not because I'm happily married. Not at all.

Mary G said...

I loved this idea so much that I incorporated it with the book meme that you tagged me for. It is now up at http://themsmysentiments.blogspot.com/2007/10/more-book-stuff.html

Don't remember when I had so much fun. Also to add: I'm not sure my French is good enough to take on Lord Peter. At least, I'm certain it is not a vocabulary we were taught in school. Non?